By nature, people do not like ultimatums. They are threatening, limiting, and just plain passive aggressive. So, imagine how terrible it is when you give yourself one ultimatum, or worse, many. For some people — especially perfectionists and black and white thinkers — giving ultimatums is a way of life. Even though it may seem like ultimatums are a motivational tool they are very self-destructive. I know because I used to give myself ultimatums. Frequently. It was part of my “all or nothing” thinking. Either I was going to get “x,” or I’d never get “y” . In fact, here are some examples of ultimatums I used to give myself on a regular basis. “Either this guy is “the one,” or I’m through with dating.”“Either I get this promotion, or I’m quitting.”“Either I stick to this diet, or I’ll be a failure forever.” Those are all pretty threatening, limiting, and passive aggressive, right? So, why would I do this to myself? Why giving yourself ultimatums will never motivate you to change When I would propose these scenarios to myself, I was literally retaliating against myself. By only ever give myself the choice between complete success or total failure, I would unconsciously… View Post
As a wellness professional, I encounter various forms of personal motivation when it comes to fitness. Some people want to be fit enough to run a half-marathon because it is something they have always wanted to do. Some people have specific health concerns and are advised to start a fitness regimen. And then some people come to me looking to “make their ex-significant other regret the day they broke up with them” by getting a “revenge body.” Any tabloid magazine, on any given week, will post a story about the “revenge body” of a celebrity who is going through relationship woes or bad times. Khloe Kardashian was paid a bunch of money on her E! show aptly titled, Revenge Body with Khloe Kardashian to assist people in obtaining a ‘revenge worthy’ physique, and I’m not the only person who thinks this show is bad news. I have a policy that I won’t work with individuals with body revenge goals. Instead, I ask clients to focus on the power of a growth mindset; to have them take their desire for revenge and turn it into an exercise in self-compassion and forgiveness. Why having a revenge body is a lousy motivator Simply… View Post
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