Why Giving Yourself Ultimatums Will Never Motivate You to Change

Why Giving Yourself Ultimatums Will Never Motivate You to Change

By nature, people do not like ultimatums. They are threatening, limiting, and just plain passive aggressive. So, imagine how terrible it is when you give yourself one ultimatum, or worse, many. For some people — especially perfectionists and black and white thinkers — giving ultimatums is a way of life. Even though it may seem like ultimatums are a motivational tool they are very self-destructive. I know because I used to give myself ultimatums. Frequently. It was part of my “all or nothing” thinking. Either I was going to get “x,” or I’d never get “y” . In fact, here are some examples of ultimatums I used to give myself on a regular basis. “Either this guy is “the one,” or I’m through with dating.”“Either I get this promotion, or I’m quitting.”“Either I stick to this diet, or I’ll be a failure forever.” Those are all pretty threatening, limiting, and passive aggressive, right? So, why would I do this to myself? Why giving yourself ultimatums will never motivate you to change When I would propose these scenarios to myself, I was literally retaliating against myself. By only ever give myself the choice between complete success or total failure, I would unconsciously… View Post
Why I’m Happy, My Husband Pointed Out My Worst Quality

Why I’m Happy, My Husband Pointed Out My Worst Quality

Why I’m Happy, My Husband Pointed Out My Worst Quality (And why it’s not a BAD thing.) For the 12 years before marrying my husband, Luke, I jumped from one unhealthy relationship to another. I always had something missing in every relationship. I had something missing alright, but it wasn’t the need for a boyfriend. I needed to find meaning in my life and work through the issues which were causing me to be so lonely and miserable. The importance of being alone I have had some DARK times in the past half decade.  I lost my father,  lost my sense of identity, and for a short while, lost hope that I could ever be happy or find a healthy connection with another human being.  I would push people away like it was my job, but I never understood I WAS PUSHING myself away from those people by being destructively passive-aggressive, which not only brought the worst out in myself but also brought out the worst in my partners. Why was I destructively passive aggressive?  Well, because for the majority of my relationships I was depressed, anxious, unhappy, and suffering from an eating disorder. As well, every time I got out of… View Post