By nature, people do not like ultimatums. They are threatening, limiting, and just plain passive aggressive. So, imagine how terrible it is when you give yourself one ultimatum, or worse, many. For some people — especially perfectionists and black and white thinkers — giving ultimatums is a way of life. Even though it may seem like ultimatums are a motivational tool they are very self-destructive. I know because I used to give myself ultimatums. Frequently. It was part of my “all or nothing” thinking. Either I was going to get “x,” or I’d never get “y” . In fact, here are some examples of ultimatums I used to give myself on a regular basis. “Either this guy is “the one,” or I’m through with dating.”“Either I get this promotion, or I’m quitting.”“Either I stick to this diet, or I’ll be a failure forever.” Those are all pretty threatening, limiting, and passive aggressive, right? So, why would I do this to myself? Why giving yourself ultimatums will never motivate you to change When I would propose these scenarios to myself, I was literally retaliating against myself. By only ever give myself the choice between complete success or total failure, I would unconsciously… View Post
I can tell you — for a fact — that there is probably nobody who struggles with criticism more than I do. In fact, if you were to ask any of my former employers, they would all probably say that “being defensive” was the one quality about me they struggled with the most. Nobody likes criticism. I used to have a severe problem with acting like a victim. I always felt like I was being “attacked” for something. From the biggest to the smallest of things, I did not like to take ownership for my part — or worse — be told how I should have handled things. I used to become incredibly defensive and angry at anybody who would give me the slightest bit of constructive feedback because I always felt it was unnecessary. I’ve grown to learn that criticism is a necessity. Even though we each will receive a fair bit of less than desirable feedback in our lives, there is no need to feel threatened, defensive, or ashamed of it. It’s all part of breaking away from our comfort zone. You may have your own criticism triggers. I know that I still struggle with mine; the question, “Why… View Post
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